“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”“He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.”“You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”“Well, screw him!” said John.“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”How To Stop Church GossipMildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there would know what he was doing! Frank, a. “Is this for real?” John asked incredulously.“Yes,” the genie said simply, “this is ‘for real’, as you say. You get three wishes, and then I have to wait for the next person to rub my lamp.”James looked down at the lamp in his hands. “Isn’t this lamp a little modern for a genie?”“We have to change with the times. I can make my lamp look like any source of illumination.”John was still sure that he was being punked, so he said “Alright, if you can really make it look like any source of illumination, make this lamp look like a flashlight.”The genie nodded politely and snapped her fingers, and before he could say “presto-chango”, James was holding a flash light, which he quickly dropped in surprise. The genie gave him a dirty look and picked up the flash light, pressing it back into his hand. “Be careful, that’s my house your dropping!”“So, you… live in this thing?”“Yep,” she said glumly, “for as long as I can remember.”“So, you really are a genie, then.” John said, still only.
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